Name: Weed gardens.

Age: Possibly older than actual gardens.

Appearance: Beautiful.

Weeds are not beautiful. Yes they are. Green spaces are beautiful. Weeds are green. Ergo, weeds are beautiful.

Sure. Try telling that to the Royal Horticultural Society. I don’t need to, because the RHS agrees with me. It just awarded a gold medal to a garden full of weeds at its Tatton Park flower show in Cheshire.

I don’t understand. The garden, called Weed Thriller, was created by a gardener who wanted to underscore the beauty of ragwort.

Ragwort? But that’s poisonous to horses! For most people, keeping horses away from the ragwort in their garden isn’t an issue.

Why does the RHS love ragwort all of a sudden? Because it’s an incredible source of nectar for pollinators. As are many of Weed Thriller’s plants. Where a philistine might just see a clump of untidy weeds, the connoisseur will see a hotbed of glorious biodiversity.

Oh, that word again. Don’t be down on biodiversity. It has never been more important to create wildlife-friendly patches in your home. We need to make our gardens more bee-friendly, because if the bees die then …

Yes, yes, civilisation ends. In fact, Weed Thriller isn’t a new concept. The idea of keeping a well-maintained lawn is starting to seem incredibly uncool. There has been a move towards meadow gardens, in which grass is left to run wild to better support the ecosystem.

Disgusting. Or patchwork gardens, in which the lawn is dug up and replaced by various low-level flowering plants.

Horrible. Or the rise of bee bomb pellets, containing thousands of weed-like wildflower seeds that attract bees like nothing else.

You’re making me shudder. The government has even got in on it, backing the “no-mow” movement, because it understands that bees find it harder to thrive in a garden that has been painstakingly manicured.

But I like painstakingly manicuring my lawn. Straight lines. Uniform colour. Borders so sharp they could chop off your toe. Sorry, but get with the programme. Your garden isn’t just your garden. You share it with thousands of creatures. Surely you want it to work for them as well.

But … my garden! Think of all that time you’ll get back by letting it grow out a bit. You could sit out and enjoy nature, or spend more time with your family.

Yuck! No! That sounds awful. Have it your way, bee murderer.

Do say: “Weed gardens will bring back the bees.”

Don’t say: “This lawn isn’t going to AstroTurf itself.”